Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Watering a Christmas Tree is Easy

Step 1: be sick, and stay home from work because you don't want to cough all over everyone.

Step 2: get way down low on the floor, water bottle in hand. reach for the tree stand with your bottle'd hand.

Step 3: knock your tree over.

Step 4: cry and hyperventilate because this has never happened to you before. Maybe call your husband in hysterics because you got scared and also you're sad that you broke some of your favorite ornaments.

Step 5: get the tree back up, as much as you can manage. It will probably look like a mess. There might be water all over the floor. There will definitely be broken glass and tin and whatever else ornaments are made out of all over the floor still. Give up on any further cleaning for a while, instead retreating to the couch and your blanket and Gilmore Girls.

Step 6: take another picture, once you've cleaned up the broken ornaments and pine needles and pools of water, and vacuumed the floor with the Shark vacuum you received at BlogHer 2015. Hey, thanks, Shark! Great job!

Step 7: wait until your husband returns from work and can help you straighten the tree, because it is most definitely a two-person job. remember how you spent 30 minutes doing this the night you bought the tree - because oops, turns out the tree is actually crooked and the tree stand needs to be propped up by books on one side.

Step 8: get the tree to be upright, and redecorate. turn on the lights so it feels less sad. redo all the beads, some of the lights, and approximately 20 ornaments.

Step 9: decide not to worry about the rug, which is still a little disheveled, or the tree skirt, which is still hanging over a door to dry. decide to instead just be happy that your tree is standing again.

Step 10: remember how happy you are that you hired a cleaner this morning to sweep and mop the floors, so that you weren't crawling around in post-party stickiness and residue - just Christmas tree shrapnel.

Happy Holidays to you all. Here's a picture of our multi-denominal decorations back when it was still Chanukkah, featuring our friend Zack at the piano.