1,367 Words About Pumping and Weaning

When I first started pumping, I had an oversupply of milk. For a long time, I was one of those people who had an abundance of milk; the joyful burden of leaking breasts and spraying milk all over the room. It was funny, but it was comforting, knowing I didn't have the supply struggles of so many new moms. It was a luxury I was grateful to have. Over time, as I was pumping more often than I was nursing during the day, I went from often pumping in excess to pumping "just enough" for the next day. In my three pumping sessions per day, I would pump the requisite 16, then 12, then 8 ounces - my body somehow knowing to adjust output based on what my baby needed. It felt something like magical, and I tried to trust my body to make what my baby needed. I felt lucky, and #blessed and all that. And my body has continued to keep up with Margie's needs, even though that means now I'm barely getting 3-4oz per day. "It's ok; that's all she needs," I tell myself, though it's hard to reconcile.

It's not a problem; it's a natural phase. My baby is almost one. Eating solid foods. Not requiring as much breastmilk in her diet. And my body knew this, though my heart didn't want to accept it. My baby is growing up. I would come home from work to find she hadn't finished her second bottle; she'd only consumed 6 ounces while I was away, and now I had to feed her from a bottle instead of from the breast to avoid wasting precious pumped milk. But even though this change was happening, and I could see in front of me what she was drinking, coming home from work with "only" 6 ounces of milk felt like a failure. And over the next few weeks, I started coming home with 5, or 4. Occasionally 7, for reasons I don't really understand, but blame on hormones. I'm grateful that my body has been able to give me this experience, even if I don't fully understand the "magic"-seeming parts of it.

And now that I'm producing just enough for one bottle, and she's old enough to have cow's or non-dairy milk in a bottle, I've decided to start weaning myself off of pumping. She will likely still nurse in the morning and before bed, and she is still waking to nurse at least once overnight, and often more than that. But during the day, she doesn't need the one 4 ounce bottle I've been pumping three times a day to bring home to her. It's time for me to give myself a break, and release myself from the routine of pumping.

I had an epiphany in therapy recently: one of the reasons I've kept up with pumping for so long is that it feels like something I am doing for my daughter, even though I'm away from her all day at work. The milk I bring home is a gift I've made for her each day. While I'm away for 9 hours, I'm still spending 90 minutes thinking of her, working for her, producing for her. It feels like a kindness, a motherliness, something that tugs at the most biologically basic need inside me to provide for her. And I didn't want to sever that connection.

A friend told me that when it's time to stop pumping, "you'll just know." But I couldn't decide when to start weaning off the pump, and I was losing my mind going around in circles about it - clearly I didn't "just know". So I just decided to keep on keeping on, three times a day, until I "knew" I was ready. And last week, I knew.

It's not that simple, of course. It's not easy to just stop cold turkey. I am a person who is apparently quite sensitive to changes in my hormone levels -- when Margie consolidated her afternoon bottle and post-work nursing session into one, I started having hot flashes and hormonal mood swings. I've heard that it's best to be gentle on your body if you can, dropping one pumping session per week until you're down to zero. I had planned on this week being the last of 3x/day, and dropping to 2x/day next week, and so on, but a delayed work meeting schedule meant that I had an accidental 2x/day on Monday, so I just took it as a sign to start now. I wasn't in the office Tuesday or Thursday, so this week hasn't been a full pumping week, but I figured I might as well rip off the emotional bandaid anyway.

It's weird to only pump twice a day. When I clean up after the second session, I have to remind myself to clean all the way up and not just stick things back in the fridge until next time. When I'm pumping for the second time, I have to accept that that's all I'm getting for the day - I won't squeeze another ounce or so out of a third session. I have to remember to get the bottles at the end of the day, since my final session isn't immediately followed by my leaving the office anymore. It's not a big deal, and I recognize the privilege of even being in this position, but it's still taking emotional and mental energy to sort out.

So today is Friday. My last day of pumping twice a day. Next week it'll just be one session, midday, assuming my breasts can handle that (I assume they can, since I very rarely even have full-feeling breasts, much less engorgement, anymore). I've barely taking home 3-4 oz per day so far, and I'm guessing that next week will be even less. And that's ok - that's kind of the point. When we run out of 4oz bottles in the fridge, we'll move on to the 3oz bottles. There are some 3oz bags in the freezer. We can supplement with cow's milk or soy milk, or nothing, says her pediatrician, as long as she's still eating dairy (and this girl loves cheese in all forms, so no problem there). After next week, when we run out of milk in the freezer, we'll be done with breastmilk in bottles.

I'm feeling an odd combination of relief and freedom and sadness. I don't even want to imagine how it will feel to be done with breastfeeding altogether, but I'm not ready for that yet, and thankfully, neither is Margie as far as I can tell. I'll be glad to be done with the "brain weasels" of counting ounces and timing how long bottles have been out or thawed or frozen or not. It will be nice not to have my work day broken up by my dates with the machine. I'll miss catching up on Netflix or just looking at baby pictures.

When I enter the pumping room (which is great; it's lovely; I designed it - I'm very lucky), I sigh at the effort of getting myself set up. Locking the door. Closing the blinds. Taking off my shirt. Putting on the strapless pumping bra. Attaching the pump parts. Etc etc etc. repeat in reverse at the end. I'm definitely ready to be done. But when the letdown starts, and I'm watching videos of my baby while watching little drops fall into the bottles, I think it's not that bad (thanks, oxytocin) and feel twinges of sadness about this part of my life ending. I've been doing it for almost 10 months now. That's a lot. It feels like a lot. And yet, I can't believe it's almost over.

But it's time. I suppose I'll report back when I'm officially done pumping. It feels like I should have some sort of ceremony or celebration on my last day, or at least tell my officemates that the pumping room is no longer being used. But I feel a little too melancholy and not quite celebratory enough for that. Guess I'll blame the hormones.


I'd love to hear your pumping and weaning stories below, if you want to share them!

Into the Words.

On January 2, 2015, I finally saw Into the Woods. If a movie comes out over Christmas, there's a good chance I won't see it for several weeks. Even when I'm practically peeing my pants to see the movie. Even if it's a movie based on my favorite musical. Even if I've read a crapton of things about it in anticipation, and am anxiously alternating between reading spoilers and covering my ears. Even then, a movie that comes out over Christmas will likely have to wait. Holiday travel, you don't do great things to my movie watching.

So. Anyway. I was excited and scared. And I finally saw the movie. And I have lots and lots and lots of feelings. Here they are, in order of how I freaked out, once I got over the nostalgic squeeing over a new interpretation of my favorite words and music. It should be obvious here, but this post contains massive spoilers. All spoilers, all the time. Do Not Read If You Do Not Know This Show And Do Not Want To Know. YE HAVE BEEN WARNED.

• [summary of text-argument with my friend Elon over the fact that they didn't show the ball and the inside of the Giant's house.] While it would have made for some spectacular cinematography, what happens at the ball is insignificant to the story of Into the Woods. The actual ball doesn't matter as much as Cinderella's reaction to it. (director) Rob Marshall doesn't need to establish her relationship with the prince or the fanciness of the ball - that's the point. We don't need to see them fall in love at first sight - the story takes into account the fact that we all know the story of Cinderella. Sondheim doesn't spoon feed it to us, because he knows we don't need that. Same with the Giant's house. We can imagine. We don't need to see it. I don't disagree that it would have been fun to see, it would have been "more cinematic", as Elon said. But is it integral to the story? Nope. Into the Woods is about what happens after. 
• I really missed "No More." It's one of my favorite numbers. Small, simple, but a truly lovely expression of disappointment and loss and growing up, sung between vanished father and abandoned son. I mean, it doesn't make a *ton* of sense without the Mysterious Man (and I appreciated the "No More" instrumental underscoring during the scene where the song should have occurred), but I think they still could have done it with the ghost dad situation. Don't know the song? Listen to it here.
• Speaking of...I don't know how they would have done the Narrator, but it's one of the reasons I encourage fans of the movie to watch the original (this just watch it just it's amazing). One of the great moments of the stage version is when the Narrator unwittingly ends up in the story, and how the characters deal with what happens after he's gone. I thought the movie did a decent job of portraying the "oh shit, now we're *really* alone" feeling, but it's just so. much. better. the other way.
• The princes were fantastic. Absolute perfection. "Agony" was a miracle of the cinema, one of the truest examples of why some stage numbers work better on screen. So, so, good. Just brilliantly executed. Chris Pine's prince was on point; I could watch him be the Prince forever. Why did they do away with the "Agony" reprise? It's so damn funny, and it just reinforces the "happy endings aren't just so" narrative in a way that having Rapunzel run away with her prince just doesn't. Both princes are cheating douchebags - not just Cinderella's! Which brings me to...
• Rapunzel not dying. Sigh. I don't know if this was a Tangled thing, and Disney didn't want to kill off one of their current princesses or something...but come on. The Witch's spiral into rage and madness is so much more powerful when it's triggered by the literal loss of her child. And Rapunzel's descent into insanity is such a great bit of character development, only further enhancing the irrevocable harm her mother has inflicted. Yes, it's hurtful and traumatic for her child to cast her off and run away - but for that to happen and for her to go crazy and then to die? Horrifying. Tragic. Final. That would drive the Witch to dramatic suicide, now that she truly has nothing left but her beauty - the beauty that couldn't salvage her relationship with her daughter, with whom there is now absolutely no chance of reconciliation. 
• Ok. So, I had read that Sondheim changed some of the lyrics in "On the Steps of the Palace" to make things more clear, to make it more present-moment or something. And many of the you's were changed to I's. But truly, this is one of the things I hated most. For example: "But then what if he knew who I am when I know that I'm not what he thinks that he wants? But then what if I am?" vs "But then when if he knew who you were when you know that you're not what he thinks that he wants? But then what if you are?" Not only is "am" a painful word to hear sung on a sustained note; the fact that she speaks in the third person throughout the song lends the number a sort of doublespeak. It creates tongue twisters and a sense of confusion. Haven't seen the original? Click here. Movie version here for comparison. I did enjoy the freeze-frame visuals in this number though...seeing it take place in present time, with the beauty of the sparkles frozen all around was ethereal and beautiful and a change I wholly support.
• Johnny Depp was an unnecessary hot mess. The candy in his jacket was overkill. His zoot suit and his growly whisper were more sexual and pedophiliac than necessary. He was one of the first actors announced for the production, and I get that they wanted a big-name draw, but I don't think they needed him. In the original, the wolf is creepy and just a tad gross-sexual, but mostly you just get the impression that he wants to eat Red Riding Hood. Because he's a wolf. Not because he's a pedophile. It's creepy because she's a child and he's an adult, but I always took the number to be about his sexualization of eating. He's getting turned on by the thought of his meal (both granny and girl), and the thing that creeps us out is that he's doing this seductive little dance number with a child. With Depp's interpretation, I thought he was trying to sleep with her. Which was just over the top. And the key change was gross. 
• And speaking of RRH and the Wolf, I could have done without that odd "being swallowed by the wolf" sequence. The first shadow puppet made me think of the beautifully-animated Harry Potter Tale of Three Brothers sequence, but then it turned into this weird Alice in Wonderland, vaginal, Magic Schoolbus atrocity. Very strange.
• I thought the tempo of "Your Fault" was too slow - maybe they wanted the audience to make the words out better? Might have been a combination of the tempo and the staging (which I thought was weird), but the number felt more like "we. are. singing. this. rhythmically." than "we are freaked out and this is frantic and passionate."
• The flashbacks at the beginning, during the "Witch's Rap" took away from the rhythm of the song in a way I didn't appreciate. I didn't think we needed the flashbacks to tell the story, and the pauses required to show the, interrupted some of the most comedic moments (especially the flow from "your father cried, and your mother died" to "and well that's another story, nevermind, anyway". It's such a great moment when it's timed right, and this just wasn't. 
• What the hell was with the "blue moon" thing? That threw me off.
• Meryl had big shoes to fill, but I thought her portrayal of the Witch was dynamic and powerful. I mean, it's Meryl. Duh. Really, Johnny Depp was the only one I didn't like out of the bunch. And I'm usually so fond of him! Alas.
• I loved the woods - the scenery was gorgeous. I love that they built a forest so massive that actors got lost on the soundstage. I love that they used real trees. I love how the forest changed as the movie changed. I loved how they filmed in a real castle, and a real dilapidated barn, and how beautifully they incorporated the scenery into the story. The woods was a character.

So there you go. My word vomit. I still have a lot of feelings and I could talk about Into the Woods for days (already have). It's an important piece of theatre, for many reasons, very well-articulated in this New Yorker piece. I love that Sondheim's Cinderella chooses to leave the ball for her abusive household, that she chooses to leave her slipper for the Prince to find, that she's torn between choices, and that she's able to acknowledge that her choice doesn't have to be her final one. But it's her choice. I love that the characters get their Happy Ever After - until they don't. This show is about parents and children and a community coming together, and loss and growing up, and reconciling our pasts with our futures, and the choices we make and how we deal with the lives we've chosen and the pain we haven't. It's an important story. And Emily Blunt was very eloquent about why we shouldn't try to protect our children from everything. Kids know things. Life isn't perfect. Happy endings aren't always. 

If you haven't seen this version, I highly recommend it. And here's a fun little interview with Meryl Streep, Stephen Sondheim, and Rob Marshall from the LA Times that you might enjoy.

What did you think of the movie? Let's talk about it. Now. Obsessively.

Unplugged

I've taken to giving myself little "unplug" challenges lately. It feels silly. They're small. It's things like, "Get to the end of the next block without checking your phone." "Don't check Twitter for an hour." "No email until you've gotten out of bed and brushed your teeth." I usually fail. Or if I succeed, it's very difficult.

In the past, I've made "disconnecting" a New Year's Resolution and a Goal and an Intention, and it's just really fucking hard. It's embarrassing how hard it is. It feels silly to even want to disconnect sometimes. Isn't this the future? Isn't there something magical about connecting to strangers and friends on the internet? Having the world at your fingertips?

I work in tech. I'm active on social media. I love the internet. I'm around technology, "connecting" (and yes, sometimes Actually Connecting) to people all the time. It's amazing how much of my day is spent staring at a glowing screen, my fingers micro-moving across whatever keyboard I'm on. Pushing the pain of what's probably some sort of RSI or carpal tunnel or worse out of my head to just scroll a little farther, read one more article, type one more reply. Ignoring the actual world in front of me so I can connect to the world that's far away.

This weekend, I'm challenging myself (again) to a No Internet Saturday Morning and Afternoon. (NISMAA?) I'd love to say No Internet Saturday, but I know that's just setting myself up for failure. Last weekend, I said No Internet Saturday, and I was on my phone before I even got out of bed. So this time, I'm claiming the morning and afternoon as an internet-free zone. I can catch up with the world in the evening. But the morning and afternoon will be spent without the phone, social networks, and email that clutter my mind and tighten my fingers. Less multitasking, zero open tabs to flip through.

But how will I fill my time? Well, I'll be getting a flu shot, gardening, and purging my closet. Taking things to Goodwill, doing laundry, and unpacking the Target purchases from last weekend. Decorating the house for Halloween. Baking. There's so much I could be doing, it's no wonder I don't get anything done while I'm so distracted by technology. I'm looking forward to some forced dedicated time away from the screens, to make some progress on projects and goals I've been meaning to get to, and to move my body and mind in a way that doesn't involve typing, staring, or scanning.

How about you? Have you ever done a "technology sabbath" or an "unplugged challenge"? Do you think I'll make to 8pm without the internet?

Dynamextremely awful

Dear Dynamex,

Thank you for your incompetence.

Once you graciously moved my delivery date from Monday to Tuesday (no, truly, I do thank you for that), thank you for refusing to accommodate when I asked to move the date a second time. I know it's annoying, but I had a last-minute schedule change at work (requiring my presence on Tuesday) that I was trying to work around. As I juggled my schedule, I really appreciated your refusal to move the delivery to Thursday, stating a rule that "deliveries have to be made within 3 days of the originally scheduled date, so Wednesday is the last possible day." Since I was unavailable on Wednesday, thank you for warning that if I didn't accept the delivery, it would be sent back to IKEA. Thank you for telling me a 4-hour window was the shortest you could offer. At least that's better than Comcast.

And despite the fact that I had a scheduled delivery from 10am-2pm today (supposedly the very first window of the day), thank you for calling me at 11:30am to "schedule" my delivery as if I wasn't waiting at home for a previously scheduled (and thrice-confirmed) delivery. It was really no big deal to rearrange my day around this delivery, so it's really no big deal that it didn't actually happen. It wasn't stressful to call a friend (Dear Laura: you are a superhero, and a tribute to all things Friendship) to come sit at my house so I could run into work (30 min away) for 3 hours, just in case you showed up (this wasn't your fault, but if I'm going to move my ish around for you, the least you could do is show up). Thank you for calling at 1pm to say you couldn't come today after all.

Thank you for offering such helpful information as, "We should know if we can make a delivery today after 2pm. We can let you know by 6pm for sure. Maybe we can deliver tonight, maybe before 7 or after 8, depending on the schedule. If not, we can definitely deliver any other day and give you a 2-hour window."

Thank you for this flip flop. I do appreciate your offering Saturday 8am delivery to me (hmm Saturday is more than 3 days after my original date, though isn't it?). That 8-10am window would have been great as a first option, but I understand if that's only available to people whose deliveries have been so screwed up that they call repeatedly to complain. If I'd had that option when I originally scheduled my didn't-happen-anyway delivery, I wouldn't have had to get all twisted up running back and forth trying to get to work and back, but thank you for getting my heart rate up. I probably needed it. Thanks for confirming though, that someone would definitely call me before 6pm to let me know if delivery tonight would be a possibility. I started feeling sorry for the drivers who would return at the end of their shift to be told they had one more delivery to make. I started picturing the effusive thanks I would give for their unexpected above and beyond service. I waited for the phone to ring, ready to pour my gratitude upon the person calling to say they'd made it work.

It's 6:15pm. Thank you for not calling me. And when I called you, thanks for having no idea what I was talking about, and instead insisting that I am scheduled for 8am on Saturday and there is no option for delivery tonight. Thanks for offering to check with your coworkers (always with the "let me check with my coworker") and confirming that there's no way it can happen this evening, and you're not sure why someone would have told me that. Thanks for laughing a little bit, as if this idea was just the silliest thing ever. Thanks for confirming that the note on my account says 9am delivery, when just 5 minutes ago, you said 8am. Thanks for being so reassuring when you said it will "definitely be there by 9:30 though". I have no reason to doubt you, of course.

Thank you for at least having customer service reps who try to be nice. They're mostly sweet, despite their apparent ineptitude and lack of interdepartmental communication skills. Maybe this isn't their fault. Maybe the system really is extraordinarily glitchy. Maybe they're being told different things by different people all day long, and they're just doing their best.

Thank you for not delivering my furniture today. I look forward to waking up for an 8am for a delivery that's not likely to arrive on time. My husband thanks you too.

All the love,
Kim


Update (7.17, 9am): Husband said he could be home for a Thursday morning 8-10am delivery, which would be preferable to Saturday. I called this morning (Weds) at 7am to see if that was an option, fully aware that I am possibly a crazy person. The woman on the phone (whose name, again, I forgot to collect) said she wasn't sure and would have to call her dispatcher. And then...the best part? She confirmed my Saturday delivery window as 9-11am, saying they don't deliver earlier than 9. So now I've heard "we don't deliver before 10", "we can deliver from 8-10", and "we don't deliver before 9". I am officially confused, and awaiting a call back. Thanks, Dynamex, for securing my confidence in you.

Update (7.17, 11am): Spoke with Dynamex Manager Hector, who (after I explained my frustrating experience so far) said they could deliver tomorrow (Thursday) between 9-11am. When I asked if I could have the 8-10 window I had previously been promised, he said it's impossible because the trucks leave the warehouse at 8am. BUT I got him to promise me that he would make sure our delivery is the first on the route (and Hector, we confirmed twice, and you guaranteed it!), so while he can't guarantee an arrival time (traffic and whatnot), it's looking good that the delivery will happen before 10am. Fingers crossed for a smooth delivery and no more problems.

Update (7.17, 1pm): Got a call from the call center confirming my delivery for 9-11am tomorrow (Thursday). When I asked if a note from Hector was on my account, the woman confirmed that it said, "Deliver this first!" -- ok, Dynamex. The ball's in your court. See you in the morning!

Le Politics

We are catching up on about a week's worth of Colbert and Stewart, and I've finally started catching up with The New Yorker, and, well, I'm not living under a rock right now.  So of course, my head is spinning with all the ridiculousness that is the Republican Primaries.

I'm not going to go into why I think these Republican candidates are all major jokers, but I am going to list out some bullet points. Questions, statements, notions, whathaveyou...things that just blow my mind.  Oh, and I'm not going back to edit, because what's the point of a rant if you go back and edit afterwards?

Rant: begin

• If you don't want to have an abortion, don't have an abortion.  Don't force someone to have a child they don't want, whether she was abused, raped, or otherwise unable to give her consent OR she just didn't want to have a child.  Women are simply not running out to get abortions right and left because that's more convenient than using contraception.  Making abortion illegal will not stop abortions; it will just stop abortions from happening safely, putting more women in harm's way.  So shut up about it already.  I don't care about your religious beliefs.  You certainly don't care about mine.  So get out of my body.
• If you don't like gay marriage, don't get gay married.  If you believe that two men or two women in a loving, consensual relationship are doing more harm to "The Institution of Marriage" or "Family Values" than a man who is on his third wife after cheating on the first two while they were ill (ahemnewtgingrichahem) or a woman who marries a clueless basketball player because she's afraid her sisters are more grown up than she is, spends a quajillion dollars on a very public wedding for her TV show, and then divorces the poor sucker a couple months later (kimkardashianyouareadisgracetothenamekimbutsomehowistillpayattentiontoyou)...well, then you're an idiot.  It's fine to believe that your God doesn't believe in gay marriage.  It's fine to privately believe it's wrong (you'll be close-minded and on the wrong side of history, but you are entitled to your beliefs).  It is not fine to treat people like second-class citizens because of their sexual preferences.  It is not fine to pretend that someone else's happy, loving marriage in any way devalues your own. 
• Just in general, keep your religious beliefs out of politics. It drives me batty when politicians are favored because they let God guide them through their decisions.  Hello! Last time I checked, we had a separation of Church and State, and we are a country made up of people with many different religious beliefs!  Since when does the Christian God get to make decisions for the rest of us?  I want a leader that does not make decisions for this country based on his or her religious beliefs, but on his or her rational, logical decision-making skills, and actual knowledge of politics and foreign affairs.  Weird, I know.
• On that note, I don't want people in positions of power in areas about which they know nothing.  See this clip from The Daily Show if you don't know what I'm talking about.  Too lazy?  Ok.  How about how the fine gentlemen in charge of internet legislation having no idea how the internet works?  How about old white men claiming to be the best experts in women's reproductive issues? 

Those are my main gripes for now.  Political rant over.  For now...

How Not to Get a Job

A quickie little post to tide you over until I post a big, photo-laden post about the proposal...

I've been helping our CEO hire for one of our open positions at Disqus, and I've been absolutely horrified (and ok, entertained) by some of the atrocious cover letters in my inbox.  I remember going through the same thing last year at Fantasy, and it never fails to make me just a little bit sad.

That said, I thought I'd offer a little advice (or anti-advice, really) -- How Not To Get A Job 

• Capitalize random words in the middle of your sentences.
• Use the wrong job title in your cover letter. The more times the better!
• Better yet, don't include a cover letter at all!
• Write entire paragraphs with no punctuation.
• Address your letter to "sirs".
• Have a 2 (or three!) page resume when you just graduated from college 6 months ago.
• Just copy paste chunks of your resume (or worse, our job posting) into your cover letter. No need to customize!
• Wax on and on about your "freakish obsession with grammar" but fail to recognize the difference between a comma and a semicolon only one sentence later. 

These are just a few of the lovely tips I have to offer.  I'd quote bits from cover letters, but that just seems mean.

Seriously, people.  If you want a job, learn to write.  And if you're applying for a job in recruiting, you should probably know how to submit a proper application.

Rant over.

Stranded in San Francisco

All week long, all I've been able to think about is how excited I am to come home on Friday night, put on my PJs, and stay in all glorious weekend.  I was looking forward to a 3-day weekend of lounging around, cleaning up the apartment, and generally just catching up on being a homebody.   The rainstorm only heightened my excitement about going home and cozying up.  And then...service delays on BART.

Will sent me a text from BART in Berkeley, telling me that there was some sort of delay at West Oakland (a major hub of BART through which most trains must pass - including mine).  Delays happen every so often, so I wasn't too worried.  And then I saw the warning, that there was a major delay at the stations, and no trains were going in or out.

I figured it wouldn't last long though, so off I went to the station near my office.  And there I saw this:

the crowd of people I pushed through to get on
the train waiting at the station

And then, once I had squished onto a train, I asked the tired-looking people around me how long this particular train had been sitting there.  "Oh, 5, 10 minutes or so" - not too bad.  And then, the announcement.  "ATTENTION PASSENGERS! This train will be turning around and heading to Millbrae, and will NOT be continuing on to the East Bay."  Uhhh no thank you.  That is the opposite of where I need to go.

So I got off.  The station announcer said that service to the East Bay was stopped, and they didn't know when it would be starting.  "Well, screw this," I thought, and started to make my way back up to street level, where at least I'd have cell reception.  Out of frustration, I exclaimed, "Anyone want to share a cab to Oakland?!" - someone did.  She and I scurried up to the street and to an ATM, and then hunted down a cab.  When we finally did (in the pouring rain, remember?), the cabbie apologized and said he wouldn't cross the bridge.  Because of traffic.  Even when we offered to pay double.

Frustrated, soaking wet, and out of options, I turned around and went back to the office.  Where I now sit, with a beer and free cable and my laptop.  Of course, as soon as I walked in the door, I got a text from a coworker saying he had gotten on a train and was in the East Bay, that service had been restored to the BART line.  Damnit.  

I'm going to sit here with my beer for another half hour or so until things calm down, because I do not wish to get stuck in that mess underground again.   When I get on that train, I want the station to be calm and empty (because I'll have to deal with the station agent dealing with my fare that's already been swiped one way on my transit pass), and I want a nice comfy (ish) seat on that train.

I just want to go home, but at least I'm in a warm office with TV and a beer.  Silver lining.

Garfunkel and Oates

I am kind of obsessed with Garfunkel and Oates. Why? They are hilarious. Duh. They just released their new, official, awesome video for "This Party Took a Turn for the Douche" which includes one of the most brilliant lines ever: "I ain't in love with you, cousin; I'm not George Michael Bluth." Yes.

So enjoy. These girls are up there on my list of Awesome Musical/Comedy Groups That I Love (which includes The Lonely Island, Flight of the Conchords and of course, Dakaboom), and are even more awesome because they are ladies. And ladies in comedy are the best. Enjoy their new video, featuring some surprise guest appearances and some ridiculously quotable lines.




PS I know I've talked about them before (and shared other hilarious videos), but the internet can't seem to find those old posts. Sadness. I'm still trying to figure out how to work out getting the internet (aka Google searching) to recognize my new custom URL as the same thing as my old .blogspot.com URL - which should be easy, since Google/Blogger did all the work for me. Come on, Google. I've got coworkers helping me sort it out, so hopefully this will be fixed soon.

Blog Self-Exchange

I recently joined 20 Something Bloggers, and haven't quite figured out how to best utilize the network yet, so when they presented an opportunity for a blog exchange, I jumped on it.  Unfortunately, my blog exchange partner never sent me her piece.  They were due on 12/20, so I've given her just about a month to reciprocate, and I've even warned her that I was going to be posting this myself instead.  So...that didn't quite work out as planned.  And every time I see her post something on Twitter, I get a little bit more irked that she's not responding to me.  It's like that thing where you see a friend posting on Facebook or Twitter or whatever, but they won't return your text messages?  It gets under my skin a bit; even though I don't actually even know this girl, I find myself thinking, "You have time to do make all sorts of comments to other people, but not to respond to me?"  Sigh.  Oh well.  Learning to take things in stride, I am.

Anyway.  She and I had decided to write about our blog goals for 2011, a slight variation on the official theme, but an appropriate topic nonetheless.  I'm not really one for "a year in review" type wrap-ups, but I definitely love anything relating to resolutions.  I think I like looking forward more than looking backward; after all, you can't change the past.  You can learn from it though, and I guess that's where resolutions come into play...but I think the most successful resolutions (for me, anyway) are not ones based on "I didn't do this last year and I want to next year" but rather ones that come from a place of true newness.  Let me explain.

I always used to make my annual new year's resolutions based on things I wished I had done the previous year.  This guilt-based resolve isn't surprising considering the Jewish guilt that runs through my veins, but it's not the most positive or cheery type of resolution if you really think about it.  I would so much rather decide upon goals for myself that have no relation to the past, ones that only speak of hopes for the future.  Besides, whenever I've resolved to "worry less" or "be better at cleaning"...well, it's not like I've been super successful.  I do much better with fresh goals that are free from the pressure and the burden of resolutions past.  (uh oh - in resolving to not make resolutions the same way I have in the past, am I being a hypocrite here? Let's just ignore that for now.)

I'm not going to resolve to blog more frequently (though the self-induced-pressure to make this a resolution is strong), because that's just an invitation to feel bad about myself when I don't.  And let's be honest, when life gets busy, the blog takes a backseat.  That's both the blessing and the curse of writing a little personal blog, isn't it?  Nobody is paying me to write, and really, I just do it for myself and for the amusement of whomever decides to stop by.  And I actually have a job that keeps me busy (as opposed to a job that allows for blog-writing during the day), so while I'd like to promise a post a week or more photos or something, I don't want to put that kind of pressure on myself.  Silly, maybe.  But there that is.  I'll write when I have time, or when I feel inspired, and if I have a backlog of ideas, they might just have to sit for a little while.  And that's ok.

I resolve to let my blog be what it is without pressuring myself to do more?

Really, truly, the one thing I want to do for/with my blog in 2011 is a big ole redesign.  While I like the cheery kitchen theme, I would love to overhaul the design and do something custom instead of just tweaking the pre-existing template from Blogger (lovely though it is).  I recently gave myself a custom URL (so easy! see how I did it here), which was a nice little gift to my blog, but I'd really like to take one more step forward and have a design that really reflects who I am and what I write about.  I feel like it's a little cluttery for my taste right now (though if I'm being honest, I am more cluttery than I like to think I am).

I also plan to create a real "about" page. Blogger has an easy way to add an "about" tab as a separate page, and I'd like to play around with that.

Lastly, I want to figure out why search seems to be messed up.  I first noticed it after the URL migration, but it's buggin me.  Using both the search box in the Blogger header and the custom Google search box I added result in incomplete searches.  For example, searching for "muffins" turns up no results, though I KNOW I've written several posts including the word.  I can't tell if it's all to do with the new URL, as sometimes it pulls up posts from pre-new URL, but whatever it is, it needs fixin'.  Any advice?

So those are three things I want to change, improve, do in the new year.  Specifically related to the blog.  Specifically related to the future.  Specifically related to awesome.

How about you?  Do you have any blog-resolutions?  Do you make resolutions?  Do you make them before the new year or after January 1 - it's January 19th - have you resolved to do anything yet? Do you care? If not, why not? And what kinds of resolutions do you tend to make, if you make them at all?

See how I got all turn-it-around-and-ask-you-some-questions there?  Yeah...encouraging discussion!  Or should I say...Disqussion? 

It's been a while since I posted an honest-to-goodness, what's-happening-in-my-life, housey-goals, writing-writing-writing sort of post.  Sometimes, I'm in the mood to write, and to share, and to talk it all out, but lately I've been more in the mood to just look at pretty pictures and repost them.  If you've been reading for a while, you know there's a lot that has been going on lately.

In the last two months, we moved, I quit my job and started a new one, I was the maid of honor at my oldest friend's wedding (no, that's not me in the picture).  And oh jeez, I've written about this before. We had houseguests and plants and a trip to Washington for Will's grandmother's 90th birthday.  I had my first paid freelance writing job (more on that when I'm legally allowed to disclose information - the product hasn't been released yet).  I fell behind on my unpaid freelance writing.  We still haven't finished unpacking.  I went to IKEA and ordered curtains from Cost Plus, and due to some sort of terrible measuring, I have to go return things to IKEA and re-order curtains from Cost Plus.  The fun, it never ends!

Life is as it is, though, right?  The good and the bad and the being fall-asleep bored and the being so busy you don't know what to do with yourself.  It all happens, and it all happens together.

For now, I make lists.  Of things I want to write, and of things I want to do, and of things I want to share.  I have so many recipes stacked up in my mind that if I just quit it all and did nothing but cook and bake every single day I'd have enough recipes to keep me going for at least a year.  I had this whole "when we move, I'll be better at making healthy food" thing going, except then we actually moved, and I was drowning in cardboard, and the last thing I wanted to do was shop and bring MORE into the house (or cook and make a bigger mess), so we've been eating out or ordering in a lot.  Much more frequently than we used to.  Not good for the body, not good for the wallet.  I also said that "once we move, I'll exercise more," except then I got tired from unpacking, and the gym was no longer on my way home, and I came up with all kinds of excuses to go home and sit on the couch.

All this is to say that sometimes we make goals for ourselves that we don't reach, even if they seem totally reasonable and achievable.  Sometimes we need to remind ourselves, in public, online, that we had things we wanted to do.  Sometimes the goals need specific, attainable, trackable elements to them (ie: "I will exercise 3x per week every week"), but I find those goals to be a little hard in my real life.  If I am too specific, I put too much pressure on myself, and don't cut myself enough slack when life gets in the way.  There's something kind of reassuring about softer goals, goals that you set just to remind yourself of the path you're choosing to walk.  While there are definite benefits to concrete objectives, general lifestyle goals can be helpful too, I think.

Here are mine:

• Cook more.  Healthier, fresher, with more frequency.  Substitute white spelt flour for A/P flour the next time I buy (thanks, Shanna)
• Take a ballet class, starting Wednesday of next week (I miss ballet - it's exercise, and it makes me happy)
• Regularly go to yoga, starting Thursday of next week (good for the body, good for the mind)
• Share more recipes on the blog
• Post something about our patio garden and the weird white spots on the squash plant's leaves
• Knit, even though it's not cold yet (my next project is for charity)
• Finish unpacking, but don't stress out about it.  But finish soon, because it's time for Fall decorations.

So there you have it.  Some goals, and some brain-dump.  

It's French Week at The Kitchn, and they posted about
French-influenced kitchen design. Beautiful. 

One more pretty French  kitchen from TheKitchn

Glee, you're killin' me

I don't write about TV very often.  Not because I don't watch it, because trust me, I do.  I don't usually write about TV because I rarely watch something that provokes me enough to want to write something about it.  I just don't care that much.  


And I don't know why I care so much about this one particular plot point from last night's episode of Glee, but it really irks me, so here goes.  Warning: this may be a crazy rant, and if you don't watch Glee, just ignore this whole thing.  Or read it.  Or watch the show.  For the most part, I really enjoy it (even if they really could use a little injection of the sour irony that has been missing from every episode since the pilot).  And I loved the mother-daughter Poker Face duet, and Idina's Funny Girl situation, and the Bad Romance number (super awesome).  And the guy playing Kurt is a good actor.  Also, for the record, I called the Idina Menzel as Rachel's mom thing from the moment they mentioned she was under consideration for a guest appearance (and when whatshisnamehottie was "using Rachel to spy on the glee club"? I didn't believe it. I knew he was spying for Idina because she was Rachel's mom and wanted to get closer to her.  Duh.) - but that is not the point of this blog post.  Nor is it the cheesier than cheesy "we just all have to be who we are and not be afraid of expressing ourselves" theme (hello, stereotypical high school tv show morals).


The point of this blog post (finally) is the ridiculous plot line surrounding Kurt's dad/Finn's mom/the fact that Finn's mom decided they're moving in with Kurt and his dad without even asking Finn.  


Am I the only one who thinks that this is totally unrealistic? I mean,announcing it with crudites, with Kurt, like, "surprise! we all knew about this and you didn't!" (REALLY? REALLY???) Also, why do Kurt and Finn need to share a room? Wasn't there a whole bit about "oh their house is so big! giant TV! 5 bedrooms! 2.5 bathrooms!" And what's happening with Finn/his mom's old house? After the big ole drama fight between Finn and Kurt's dad last night, are they gonna live in their old house again? I sure hope they didn't sell it yet, though in this economy, it's probably still  on the market.

I think it's pretty obvious that the whole "we're moving in with them" is nothing more than a plot point inserted simply for the drama that would ensue...and um, ok. Fine.  It's Glee. I know there are plenty of "unrealistic" things about it, it's a TV show, blah blah blah.  But this crossed the line from "I can suspend my disbelief because it's a crazy show" to "this is distracting me from the show and I cannot connect or empathize with Kurt at all because none of this is realistic at all. I get why Finn is so pissed because this just makes no freaking sense".  I honestly thought it was going to be a dream sequence.  


Then again, maybe this is something that does happen in real life and I'm just naiive.  Maybe some divorced parents actually do just move their kids in with another family, no questions asked (or notice given).  And I know I just spent way too much energy on Glee-analysis, but seriously.  Am I nuts, or is that plot point ridiculous?  

Ups and Downs

As you might know, I am sick.  I admit, I am kind of a baby when I'm sick, but I really do feel like crap.  It started late Tuesday night, with a little tickle in my throat, and by Wednesday morning, it was a full-blown, hurts-to-even-think-about-swallowing sore throat.  By Thursday, we added in a stuffy head and runny nose.  I stayed home from work both days.  Last night, I hardly slept, and this morning, my head felt like it was detached from my body, but my throat was still totally in pain.  I went to work for a few hours this morning, but came home around noon and have been tearing through the tissue box steadily since then. Blowing my nose like it's my job.  You know the drill.  Chicken soup, Emergen-C, Advil Cold and Sinus.  These are my couch companions. And Ellen.  Oh Ellen, in 10 minutes you will entertain me for a solid hour, and for that, I am grateful.

I know I am rambling on and on, but I'm sick, so I can be forgiven for a little ramble here and there.  This is the week of crazyawesome, and while it has come to a screeching halt, I am focusing on getting healthy.  But wait, Kim!  Aren't you supposed to fly down to Los Angeles tonight for a wild bachelorette party weekend with one of your oldest and dearest friends?

Yes.  I was supposed to do that.  And until about 10 minutes ago, I was still considering it.  But after conversations with my mom, my doctor, my boyfriend, a "rational advice" friend, and the bachelorette herself, I've decided that I am too sick to fly and too sick to party.  This was not an easy decision to make.  I've known this lady for 14 years, and I really wanted to be at her bachelorette celebration.  I felt like a bad friend and a wimpy sicko for thinking I wasn't going to be up for partying.  I thought it was just me being weak.  But I realized that I sound (to quote the doctor, mom, and bachelorette) "like shit"  (see also: "horrible," "sick," and "awful"), and I feel that way too.  It probably would not have been good for anyone to have me around, covered in dirty tissues, bringing down the energy of the weekend.  Also, I've heard that alcohol and pseudoephedrine are not a good combination.   So, with a heavy heart, I canceled my flights.

What's that you say? Every cloud has a silver lining?  Why yes, it does.  Colette's bridal shower is next weekend, and I wasn't going to be able to attend because I couldn't fly down to LA two weeks in a row.  Thanks to Southwest Airlines being awesome, I was able to change my flights for a grand total of $14, and now I will be attending the bridal shower.  I feel better about missing the bachelorette weekend knowing I can still partake in the bridal shower festivities next week.  I hate being a last-minute cancellation; I know how frustrating it is to plan a party or event and have people back out at the last minute.  But sick is sick, and as Colette said (in knowingly-cheesy fashion), "if you don't have your health, you don't have anything."  So now I will take the weekend to get better and rest up and all that, and will emerge from this week of madness a healthy Kim.  Yay.

What an awful blog post - so "me me me" and "wah wah I'm sick wah wah".  Sorry.  It's my blog.  Sometimes I rant and rave about personal issues.  It happens.  I'm going to go feed my cold with more soup and maybe some chocolate birthday cake.

I'll put together a post of beautiful kitchens to post tomorrow to make things pretty again.

A warning against Vistaprint

I spent the last two hours of my workday on the phone with the not-so-lovely folks at Vistaprint.  Because I love to vent about frustrating experiences with large corporations, I thought I'd print the letter that I sent to one of the supervisors I spoke with here.  Because if you can't vent your annoyances on your personal blog, well, then I don't know what to tell you.  I can, because it's my blog.  :-)  Names have been changed to protect the employees mentioned (why, I don't know), and order numbers have been redacted to, um, protect my order numbers.

"Hi John,

Per the suggestion of your representative Pamela, I am emailing you the brief history of our unfortunate experience with Vistaprint.  I have provided this information in a timeline below to best illustrate our problems; please do not hesitate to contact me with any questions.

·         February 22, 2010 – Order number XYZ placed (total: $128.24)
·         February 23, 2010 – Order number ABC placed (total: $181.45)
·         February 26, 2010 – Both orders arrived; printing was incorrect.  Spoke with customer service representative who assured us a replacement shipment would be sent, free of charge, to correct the error.
·         March 5, 2010 – Both replacement orders arrived; everything looked great.
·         March 6, 2010 – We received an email (signed Betsy Johnson) stating the following:

o    Dear XXX, 

Please accept my personal apology for the error made on your most recent order. I'm sorry for any inconvenience that it caused you.

To make up for it, we have issued a merchandise credit to your account in the amount of $128.24. 

To use the merchandise credit, simply select the "Apply my credit" option during Checkout on your next order. If you would like to go to our site to redeem your credit now, please click here. 

Thank you for being a Vistaprint customer. We know that you have many options when it comes to printing companies, and we appreciate your continued trust in us. 

Sincerely,
Betsy Johnson
Director of Customer Benefits

·         March 11, 2010 – We attempted to place an order, on which we planned to redeem our credit of $128.24.  We were informed that we had no credit available, that it had been used on a previous order placed on February 26.  The representative we spoke to was very unhelpful, and we hung up, confused and very frustrated.

After calling back and speaking with Pamela, it appears there was a glitch in your system which caused us to believe we had a credit we did not in fact have.  She informed us that there should have been two emails, one notifying us of a credit of $128.24 and one notifying us of a credit of $181.45 – but that these emails should have been issued immediately following the order Vistaprint placed on our behalf for the replacement orders on February 26^th , and that the credits were not for future use.

As I stated, we never received a second email; and the email we did receive was incredibly misleading.  Because we received it over a week after our replacement order was placed, and because it clearly states that we can “use the merchandise credit…on [our] next order”, we believed that we could in fact use this credit on a future order.  We then spent three days creating banners for the upcoming SXSW festival in Austin, because we thought we would be using our credit to pay for them.  In my understanding, to reflect the true meaning of the credit, the email should have stated something like “We have issued a credit to your account to cover the cost of reprinting your order”.

Additionally, Pamela informed us that we had a credit of $30.64 due to VistaPrint not needing to upload our images a second time (for the reprint) – we were never notified of this credit or of our ability to use it until speaking with Pamela this evening.  I placed order number LMN with Pamela at 4:47pm Pacific time this evening, and she confirmed several times that we would have 3-day shipping, with guaranteed delivery on or before Tuesday March 16^th.  However, when we received our order confirmation email at 5:21pm, it showed 7-day shipping, which would not arrive on time.

I called back immediately, and (after speaking with a rep who could not help us) spoke with George (cc’d on this email), who informed us that there was nothing he could do to ensure our order arrived by the 16^th as it was now past 8pm Eastern time.  Apparently, after 8pm Eastern time, everything shuts down and nothing about an order can be changed.  He offered us a complimentary replacement order, with guaranteed delivery by the 17^th, as well as a 50% credit ($85) to our VistaPrint account.  He told us that this was absolutely the best that he could do, and that while he was sorry for the trouble, that’s the best he could offer.

Because we need these banners next week, we accepted his offer, and will just hope that they arrive on time.

While we love the variety of options VistaPrint has to offer, we have been very disappointed in your website and service thus far.  We would like to continue using VistaPrint for our printing needs, but the inconveniences we have faced so far are causing us to look elsewhere. 

Please let me know if there is anything you can do, or if there is anyone else I should be speaking with regarding this matter."

Needless to say, it was a very frustrating way to end the workday.  I came home and immediately Kitchen Cured my freezer.  Pictures of that to come later tonight.  It is possible that I will also end up scrubbing the countertops, though I may decide to watch Thursday night comedy instead.  So there.

Tick Tock

Time feels like it's catching up with me lately. I don't mean that there aren't enough hours in the day (though there aren't), or that I feel stressed and rushed (I don't, really), but I do feel like WHOA. All of a sudden (sort of as of several months ago) I am 25. Isn't this that age where you're supposed to be figuring things out? My mind is a sort of jumble of thoughts and things, and I'm going to try to make it all make sense out here. Maybe you can help. I'm going to divide it into the two sections of What's On My Crazy Mind Right Now: Career and Babies. Two things all women deal with in some capacity at some point in their lives. Whether you want babies or not, and whether your career is being a mommy or a CEO, I think it's safe to say that the Career and/versus/or Babies...thing...is something all women take into consideration at a certain age. And no, this isn't a post about whether to have babies or a career or both...it just happens to focus on those two topics. Separately. But equally. Sort of.

Career (TOPIC 1):

I don't know what career path I want to be following, but I feel like this is the time where I'm supposed to be finding that path and starting out along, skipping with my lunch pail. I know that I don't want to be a career assistant, and that at some point, I have to start climbing the proverbial ladder. And I want to. I don't want to keep bouncing around from "ok for now" job to "it's not my career, but it's a job" job. I don't want to be an assistant forever. I want to grow and develop myself as a person, an employee, a contributer to society.

I have an idea of what I want to do career-wise, and I'm starting to do some research as to what it takes to make it in that field, how I might go about gaining experience to end up there, etc. but at the same time, I like my current place of work. I like my coworkers, and I like the company, and it's all groovy here. Besides, I've only been here for 3.5 months - maybe there will be long-term career/growth potential here. Who knows? We shall see...but at the same time, I am a crazy overanalytical planner, and I like to have goals and deadlines and I like to know what I'm working towards. That is hard to do when you're 25 and unsure about what the future holds. That sounded very cheesy. What the future holds? What am I, a writer for Disney cartoons? Sigh. I just want to have an end result and be able to work towards it, slowly but surely.

When we are kids, we are always asked what we want to be when we grow up. And we're expected to give one answer. Fireman, ballerina, doctor, etc. No kid says "well, I want to be an farmer, and perhaps I'll go into teaching, and then I'll transition into being a publisher." Maybe it's because of this that I always operated under that misconception that you have A Career. Like, one. My mom has had A Career - she's been a teacher since before I was born. She loves teaching, and if you are lucky enough to have been a student or parent in her class, you know that she is an amazing teacher. My dad has had a few careers, but for most of my life, he's been in the same industry. I have friends whose parents have had several and drastically different careers. I have a lot of friends who, like me, don't have that One True Passion or Career Goal. I know there is no common path, no thing that everyone does. I know I have friends who will respond to this post saying "I'm in my 30's and I still don't know what my Career is." But I still wish there was some magical career counselor to guide me through finding a "forever" kind of job...Mom and Dad? What did I want to be when I Grew Up?

BABIES (TOPIC 2):

The biological clock is REAL, people. I used to laugh about it, like "oh ha ha, I like babies, biological clock tee hee hee" NO. NO JOKE, THIS THING IS REAL! It defies logic and reason (despite "logic" being right smack in the middle of of "biological"), it doesn't listen to my bullet-pointed, fully rational arguments, and it most certainly has a mind of its own. Where did it come from?

I know a lot of people right now who are either pregnant or new parents, and I think this is significantly impacting my sudden (and undesirable) urge to procreate (except not). I know (I KNOW I KNOW) I don't want to have children right now. Not at all. My career is not at all stable (see point 1), I live in a tiny apartment (albeit with an awesome dude that I love very much), and I just have a lot of life I want to live before kids enter the picture (see: travel, and, um, living life without kids for a while). That was a lot of parenthesis. Sorry.

Anyway, I am fully aware that I don't want to have children in the next 5-10 years. But then I hold a 3-week old wee little thing, and all of a sudden I am awesome. Something just clicks, and I know what to do. The kid's mom actually called me "The Baby Whisperer" the other night. I get that warm, fuzzy feeling and can't help but think of how awesome it will be to have children. These hips were made to hold a baby, I tell you what!

Like I said, I know it's not time. Yesterday, I was all "babies babies babies" and today I'm all "babies are cute, but no way jose, not right now." Babies turn into kids turn into teenagers and once you're a parent, you're a parent for life. And I am soooo not ready for that. So for now, I'm taking my birth control pills like a good baby-free girl (so don't worry, mom), and reading mommyblogs to satisfy this weird craving I have for babies. Cause this bio-illogical clock has made its presence known and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

CAREERS AND BABIES (CONCLUSIONS):

When it comes to the baby-factor, I think it's been on my mind because I know I want to be a mom someday. I know I'm going to be a great mom, and it's a definitive thing that I expect in my future. Is it cocky to say you know you're going to be a great mom? Because I do. I can't explain it, I just feel like it's something I'm going to be really good at. I could go on about my finer qualities, but the bottom line is, I just know that as a mom? I will kick butt. And someday, if the internet still exists, my kids can Google (or whatever it is then) me and find this, and be like, yeah. Our mom is awesome. And wow - she really is psychic, because look! She knew she'd be awesome at momming! And she totally is!

Anyway, on the opposite end of the spectrum...With my career, I don't really know what I want to do, or how to get there, or whether or not I'll even be good at it once I decide. Or how many times I can "start over" in different jobs/careers/whatever before I figure it out. Babies are easy in the sense that I know how to have them, and I know what to do when they come. I'm pretty sure that if the stork dropped a baby (and enough money to support it) in my lap tonight, I wouldn't screw it up. For the most part.

Careers are harder - there are infinitely more possibilities for ways things can go (right and wrong), it's a decision that affects mostly just me, and I don't know...it's more confusing to me. Maybe because there is more active planning, and it's all about me, and it's all my decision, and there is no set path to follow. Nobody to tell you what you're doing is going to (or not going to) screw up your life plan...it's not obvious. I mean, there are no definitive answers in parenthood either, but there is certainly a bit more, well, certainty I think, when it comes to how to raise a child. Or maybe I am just nuts and this is all in my head and raising a child is going to be crazy in unexpected ways and I will be terrible at it. (Just kidding, I'm gonna be awesome at it - just not for another 5-10 years)

Regardless...right now? Babies make sense to me. Planning a career is scary.

So I don't know if this all makes sense to any of you, but this little theory of babies taking over my mind because my career is so unpredictable to me made sense in the car on the way home last night. So I'm rolling with it. Because it makes sense to me. And this is my blog.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter(s) though, so weigh in if you would! If you've read this far, thank you. Wow.

Holy Cow, Internet!

As you may or may not know, Dooce (and crew) launched an interactive community section of her website today. I haven't done much exploring, but I already think it's awesome. Basically, it's a lot of forums...where users post questions and other users answer them. At least that's what I can tell from my not-very-thorough research.

I posted a question** two hours ago, and there are already two pages of comments! What? Who are all these awesome people out there who want to share their stories with me (ok so some of the comments are me replying to people)? Some of these comments made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants (true story, and now I've found Reasons to be Happy You Don't Have Kids), and some commenters turned out to be instant blog-friends (Hey there, Junket Juice!).

Best comments so far?

From Shood: "Maybe your clock is ticking, but your alarm just hasn't gone off yet."

From Suzanne: "I think women are wired to be a little ahead of the game at all times."

And guys, Dooce (freaking Heather Armstrong herself) commented on my question! I think my life is now complete.

So yeah, check out the new Dooce community. It's pretty fun.

**PS: if you are too lazy or timid or whatever to click the link to read my original question (and thus see proof that people responded to me, wow, I am still in shocok), here's what it was:

"For a 25 year old not planning on children for another 5-10 years, I read an awful lot of mommy blogs. I can't help it! Am I a total weirdo, or does the biological clock just start ticking whether or not you want it to?"

There are some seriously awesome people out there, I tell you what.

PS - I almost forgot to give a shout out to new blogger Suzanne, who has a lovely blog (and it's new!) -- so show her some love too.

PS - EDIT: Holy cow, my question is a featured question? How did THAT happen? Is it randomly generated? How did I become featured? Whatever; it's AWESOME.

PPS - EDIT: I tweeted this and then Jon Armstrong (Dooce's husband/partner in awesome, and author of Blurbomat) tweeted this. My life is now complete, guys.

Identifying With Women On TV

Wow, I bet the title of this post made you think this would be a well-thought out essay or something, dissecting the role of women in television shows or something equally thought-provoking and yet not so original. Sorry. You're wrong. It's about necklaces. And boobs.

Ok, so I don't particularly like the show Community (sorry, Zach) but it is enjoyable when I have to take my lunch break sitting at my desk (and therefore, not actually taking a break). And I must say, I was happy to see that in this recent episode, the continuity people didn't fix this lady's necklace. Because, people? This happens. I call it boob necklace. Or maybe sidenecklaceboob. Or "jeez, my necklace is stuck on my boob again." So thank you, Community, for not fixing her necklace.

This happens to me ALL THE TIME. I know it's normal, but it is very annoying to me! It's like that scene in Thoroughly Modern Millie (at least in the movie with Julie Andrews) where Millie is frustrated that her necklace doesn't hang straight. (see video, 2:30-3:20). And I quote: "Gee, I wish my fronts weren't so full...they sure ruin the line of your beads."

Now I do agree that "it's criminal what women'll do," blah blah blah the issue is that we think our beads should hang straight down and we should accept our bodies and all that...but whatever. Sometimes, your necklace gets caught on your boob, and it's not as amusing as one might think it is. And whenever I see this "problem" reflected in movies/tv, it makes me happy. So there!

Was this blog post inappropriate? Nah.

National Punctuation Day

Yesterday was National Punctuation Day, which might be my new favorite holiday. Unless someone comes up with National Snarkiness Day, this one is the winner.

Currently hurting my brain:

"Everything in the room, has special meaning to Lizzy."

"Most money in journalism, isn't spent on journalism."

"they were especially happy to wear there uniforms and they were so proud to where them."

I came across the first two in different publications, and read the second one not 10 minutes after the first. Because they demonstrate the same superfluous comma situation, I thought I was going crazy; but I confirmed with a fellow grammar snob that I am not. I won't tell you who wrote these, but let's just say that they were written by professionals. These were not things on someone's personal blog, all casual and colloquial. I don't care if it's "only" being published online - these errors are not a style choice. They are just mistakes. Aaah!

Sorry. I know this is annoying, but I can't help myself. I think it's in my blood. Apparently, my cousin used to correct her English teacher's writing up on the blackboard. At least I'm not alone.

I have been feeling extra nit-picky lately, and in honor of my new favorite holiday, I made this:

You're welcome. You can send it to your friends by clicking here.

Hypocritical Ranting is Fun!

photo from someecards, who has made it very difficult for me to include this picture. screenshot workaround!

I am very nit-picky when it comes to spelling and grammar. Mostly when it concerns other people...I mean, I am all about making things up on my blog and in gchat conversations (srrrrsly), but a misplaced apostrophe in a theatre program? Heinous! Atrocity! Sheild! Your! Eyes! This may make me a hypocrite (though I am currently trying to think of another word for it). I really liked what Lyz, of Rag and Bone (the newest blog in my Google Reader) said:

"While, I eat up delicious new words like “bootylicious,” I wanted to punch a kitten when my sister sends me text messages without vowels. But maybe I am not a Pharisee, trying to white wash my sepulcher until it shines, maybe this is just the way English is..."

Amen, sista. I mean, don't even get me started on "text speak" (or "txt spk") and the language of Facebook and Twitter. I am just getting used to the fact that people think it's ok to type emails without using capital letters (and I'll admit to doing it myself, out of sheer laziness...or the need to dash something off with extreme speed, but sometimes I go back and fix the email anyway). It drives me berserk (which I always thought should be spelled "bezerk," by the way) to see messages like "omg i wish i cud cu! want 2b der w u 2nite" all over the place. Ok, I made that one up. But it could happen, people, and you know it! I think things like "your so cute" are my least favorite. My so cute what?

More than this common butchering of English that is (sigh) just becoming commonplace online, I am irked by errors in publications. Apostrophes turning possessives into conjunctions (whose vs. who's, for example), or improper use of their/they're/there. In publications. That have (presumably) been edited. By someone who is getting paid. To check for grammar mistakes. WHY GOD WHY?!?

In several of the recent books I've read, I have found mistakes in spelling, grammar, or just silly things like the word "the" being typed twice in a row. Or missing letters here and there. Now, call me crazy, but if you are PUBLISHING A BOOK, don't you think your editor should catch more errors than even your most nit-picky reader? Maybe I have books on too high a pedestal, but seriously, folks. It's a published work. That you expect people to take in exchange for their hard-earned money. Don't you think maybe, just maybe, it shouldn't contain a bunch of errors? I'm not talking one book here. I've noticed it in at least 3 books I've read recently. WTF.

These are the things that keep me up at night. No, not really. But they do often toe the line between "ha ha let's get a little laugh out of that error" and "I want to pull my hair out; this is that frustrating to me." I feel like a big snob and a jerk and all, being so incredibly nit-picky about these things, but honestly, if your job is to edit something, you should notice these things! Rant over.

In closing, please check out these "stupid-awesome" protest signs. Thank you for Tweeting it, Nicole! My favorites are this one and this one, because of the mistakes, obvz.

PS - how many parenthesis can one blog post use?! I think I've reached my quota (but maybe not).

Wanted: Shoes with Comfort AND Style!

I come from Los Angeles, where lordy the weather is nice (except when it's 120 degrees out), but most people don't do much walking in their everyday lives. As a student, sure I walked around campus, but I usually just wore tennis shoes and flip flops. When I wasn't marching up and down the hills of the UCLA campus (aka: for special occasions), I didn't need comfortable shoes. Why? Well, the walk from the car to the restaurant, or the car to the movie theatre, or the car to the wherever just wasn't all that long.

Living, as I do now, in the lovely and more walkable Berkeley, I need some more comfortable shoes. Granted, I still drive a lot. Berkeley is certainly not a 100% walkable city, and it's no San Francisco or New York. But I am walking more than I used to, and maybe my feet have changed or something, but all the cute-but-cheap shoes I used to wear are suddenly not comfortable at all. Like I said, it's not like I'm walking everywhere (if I was, I would probably just wear tennis shoes every day); but I do walk around the studio a lot, and I take walks at lunch sometimes...and besides, if a pair of shoes is hurting my feet after the walk from the parking lot to my desk, maybe it's time for some new big girl shoes. Le Sigh. Gone are the days of Payless and Target as my primary shoe stores...

Today I am wearing shoes that look like this, but they are from American Eagle (these were just from a random Google Image search) - and they used to be comfortable, I swear. They were like $7, and a friend bought them for me, and it is now almost 2 years later and the top cuts into the top of my feet, and the back digs into my heel, and they even feel a little too short. Did my feet grow?

I know it's time to clean out the closet. I have a couple of pairs of shoes that I think are about to meet the Goodwill Bag. A few are maybe even going to meet the Trash Bag (they're that bad, but for some reason I still wear them). I have this problem where each shoe has a purpose (those are my blue suede ballet flats! those are my pink converse! I can't possibly get rid of them!), so I can't get rid of them. This sometimes helps me, since I won't buy a pair of brown mary janes if I already have something brown and mary janeish, but usually, it just means I have a lot of shoes. I need to go through the shoes and get rid of any that are not comfortable enough to walk around in, no matter how cute they are or what purpose I believe they serve (but theeese ones are special!).

The most comfortable ballet flats I ever had were from Banana Republic, and cost almost $50 on sale. And those got ruined in New York last year. I am still trying to replace those.

So now I am on the hunt. You city dwellers out there...what are your favorite comfortable but cute shoes? I like flats, bright colors, fun textures...and comfort. Comfort, please. I don't want to spend $100 on a pair of little ballet flats, but maybe that's what it takes these days. I like shoes like this, and the brand (Life Stride) makes me think they will be comfortable. But they are a little too similar to shoes I already own. Remember these shoes? They are no longer available. Sad. Should've just bought them when I had the chance.

I've heard that brands like Naturalizer are good...do you have any suggestions?

Who Does That?!?

On this episode of "Who Does That?!?" ...

Someone stole my car registration sticker. WTF. Who does that?!? I don't know how long it's been gone, but I noticed it last night. I feel a little violated knowing someone came up to my little car and took a razor blade to the license plate. Not. Nice. Poor sad little stickers.

I mean, come on! Luckily for me, my registration is due this week, so the person just stole my soon-to-be-expired sticker, and I don't have to deal with getting a replacement. I was going to be getting a new sticker this week anyway. Fine. Whatever. No big deal. BUT, I still feel violated.

They must have been pretty good though, to make such a mess of things and still come away with an intact, usable sticker. They carved through 4 years of car registration stickers to get it off...I guess I'll have to scrape it clean and wipe it with alcohol to make sure the new sticker stays stuck! I've heard that scoring it with a razor blade is a good way to prevent thievery. Anyone out there have experience with this?

closeup of the damage. so sad. kinda pretty?