Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Walk Everywhere, Park Nowhere.

So, y'all know I love to browse apartment listings, even though I do not want to move no siree not right now not for a while oh lord I hate to move. Moving sucks.

This listing was so good (confusing) that I had to share. Because the listing will eventually expire on Craigslist, I will copy-paste it for you. Here it is, in all its glory. There are too many amazing (awful) things for me to list my favorites...please leave your favs in the comments!

$1400 / 2br - 2nd Floor Apt. on College Ave. Walk Everywhere, Park Nowhere. (oakland rockridge / claremont) (map)

Date: 2009-10-20, 8:46PM PDT
Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]

This unit has undergone recent renovations including painting, floor refinishing, drapes and some new windows. The location is right on College Avenue, so there is noise associated with traffic and neighborhood businesses, including a tavern. Additionally, parking is often difficult to find. The apartment features Oak floors and wood moldings. This building was constructed in 1908, so it has some anomalies found in older construction . There is a water heater in the kitchen and electrical outlets are few and often not grounded. There is a single natural gas wall furnace in the living room. Too many electric heaters and a fuse will blow. The apartment occupants downstairs moved in an exuberant dog which now owns the back yard. There is a small deck which has a view of a concrete block wall. Also, despite the difficult economic environment, you will need to pay rent, deposit of one months rent, $700 damage deposit (refundable). Two person may live here, but no pets of any kind including fish.

College Ave at Bryant (google map) (yahoo map)
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


  1. This actually sounds a bit like my boyfriend's apt, in that the "anomalies of older construction" in his place don't allow him to have a microwave/space heater/etc (fuses will blow) and fuses are OLD, in that you cannot flip a switch to turn back on, but instead must REPLACE them individually. There are also no plugs in the bathroom. Hey, at least the posting warns about this crap ahead of time. Might cut down on the number of offers at first, but at least the potential tenant won't be surprised. Man, if only all landlords were this honest...

  2. It might anger the "exuberant dog" that owns the backyard!

  3. I suppose you have a point, Julie...I will be staying away, myself. Though the view of a concrete block wall IS mighty tempting!

  4. OK, that is just too ridiculous to find a favorite. I guess if I had to chose just one, it would be the mental picture of a cold tenant blowing electrical circuits trying to stay warm.

  5. I just re-read it and laughed so hard my eyes watered.

  6. Wow. Honestly, how could I pick a favorite? At first it was the "park nowhere" and then it was the "no fish" but overall, I think the unsightly monster next to the oven is my favorite favorite. Wow.

  7. Wow this is Crazy!!! I think I agree with Shannalee... The water heater is a real charmer! But that choice is only made if I am forced to choose just one!!!