Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Stick, Stack, Stuck

That title doesn't make much sense, but it sounds good in my slightly-stuffy head, so roll with me here. Because today, I am feeling a little stuck. I don't know how I can possibly feel like I'm in a rut, given the changes lately, but alas, I do. Perhaps it is because I am so happy with the new living situation, and things are going so well in that arena, that I am feeling stuck in other places in my life.

True, I've only been at the new job for two months. So technically, that's still new. But I woke up this morning tired of working. Not at my new job - things there are just fine - but in general. I had that thought that I think every 20-something has at some point, that thought of "Holy Cow. I am going to be working for the rest of my life. This routine will continue (seemingly) forever." Especially in today's financial times, retirement feels very far away. Wait a minute - um, hello - I am 25 years old. Why am I talking about retirement?

Truth is, I've always dreamed about the day when I say goodbye to working and hello to leisure. I mean, who doesn't? This is hardly news. I don't know many people who love working...even if they love their jobs, if given the choice and the opportunity, would they choose to go to work? Maybe. But I wouldn't. Those months of unemployment were a tease - making just enough money to get by (thank you, government), but having all the time in the world. It's a luxury to be sure. I wonder if those lucky few who don't have to work appreciate what they have? If money were not an issue, I wouldn't work, I know that. I would volunteer, garden, cook, read, write, take pottery classes, sit in on lectures...all the things you hear about grandparents doing.

Anyway, the point is that I know I have to work. Most of us do. You put in your lifetime of labor and you are eventually (hopefully) rewarded with a few "golden years" of relaxation. It's a part of life, and I think that if you can find a job that you don't hate, you are one of the lucky ones. Right now, I am one of the lucky ones. And I know it. But that doesn't stop me from sometimes feeling overwhelmed at the magnitude of it all...I am going to spend the next 40-50 years of my life working. And that's just the way it is. It sometimes feels like a heavy weight, bearing down on my shoulders, blocking my path to some unknown happiness that I could experience if I only had the time. I suppose that's a common feeling though - you work because you must, you try to enjoy what you do, and make the most of your life outside work. Try to keep it simple.

Suck it up, Kim. Stop being so dramatic. Ok. Maybe this is all just because I know summer is ending, and soon, the days will be so short that it will be dark when I get to work, and dark when I leave. Maybe it's the stuffy nose and the fact that I just finished reading The White Queen (talk about stuck - try being a woman in 15th Century England).

Maybe I'm just a dramatic, self-involved 20-something, and I need to suck it up already.

Maybe I just need a haircut.


  1. Just about every 20-something I know has felt something similar (and prob those older than 20-something). I think it comes and goes (although, yeah, I'd much rather live a life of leisurely pursuits sometimes!)

    Anyway, you're right to focus on the simple. There's a quote I love from Olive Ann Burns about that, but my computer is not cooperating to copy/paste, so: the gist of it is that sometimes life can seem so daily, but the dailiness is the beautiful---the way the sun looks in the morning, the conversations with friends, the view out the window. Here's to savoring those moments in our workday lives!

  2. Indeed, Shanna-Bananahhhna, gotta work on appreciating the little things and remembering the daily beauty.

    Today, I savor the fact that I found the small bottle of hand lotion in my "desk stuff I haven't unpacked because I sit at reception and can't have too many personal items lying around" box ;-) Hooray yummy lotion!

  3. Put your lotion in a cute basket and share with those in need!

  4. Hi Anonymous,
    Well, I suppose it's available at my desk if someone should need it!

  5. Sigh. I've been feeling that way myself lately. And then what are the chances you'll have planned well enough to actually enjoy your retirement and not have to make monthly decisions about food vs. medicine like so many seniors...

    If it makes you feel better, I have to start work at 6am today. Over the bleepin hill.

  6. Exactly, Shonelle. I try not to worry about such things as a 25 year old, but isn't now the time they say you should start planning for your retirement? Start as soon as you start working? I certainly don't want to be retired, or ready to retire, and not be able to support myself financially. These are scary things! My instinct is just to start saving as much as possible now (as I always have, always will, I suppose) so that when the time comes, at least I'll have that chunk of change.

  7. Whatever it is, it is something I can COMPLETELY relate to. And yes, unemployment is a terrible tease.