Our landlords contacted us last night to let us know that unfortunately, they would not be able to renew our lease, which is up at the end of July. For personal reasons, they want to move back to the condo, and well, they own it, and they're not breaking the lease or anything, so it's totally within their rights. And I understand why they want to move back. But I'm still sad about it.
Ok, let me cry for a minute. I feel like we've barely gotten settled here. I mean, we've hardly finished unpacking. Only a week ago, I finished mounting the final HDMI cable with wall clips so that it looks nice and neat. I've just started settling into routines, enjoying my morning walk, decorating and planting things on the patio. Just in the last few months, I've started to feel one hundred percent at home here, in this condo, in this neighborhood. I have ballet and pilates just up the street. I stop by Whole Foods on my way home from work, and I finally feel like I've reached the point where I feel...settled. The thought of uprooting and starting new, again, is daunting. And sad.
Honestly, there are two parts to this: the frustration of having to move again and the sadness of leaving a place that I genuinely love. Sure, it doesn't have the Craftsman charm or a gas stove or floods of natural light, but it had everything else on our list (and more). I've really come to love it here. I love that when it's cold out, Will can make a fire. And I love that our patio is large enough for a small couch, table, chairs, and delightful potted plants. I love the way our stuff fits. I know it's kind of silly, but as I sit here and look around, I really like the way our things fit. I love the linen closet and the coat closet and the storage closet across the hall. Of course, I'd love a bigger kitchen and dining room, but our things fit just fine. I knew that we would move eventually, but I really thought we had another year or two in this space. And it makes me sad to look around at what feels like home and realize that in less than two months, it won't be.
The frustration comes from the fact that I've been moving or thinking about moving for the last 12 months. We officially started looking for a new place last April/May (we had started casually looking in August), and found it in July. We were still unpacking in the fall, when I started working at Disqus. By December, I was starting to plan an office move at work. I'm still wrapping up the move at work, and now we have to start looking for apartments again. I mean, what?! That's three moves in 12 months. And don't they say that moving is one of the top stressors in modern life? I believe it. Thinking about moving again right now (or ok, in the next 7 weeks - SEVEN WEEKS OMG) is seriously worrisome. I'm afraid I'm going to develop that eye twitch again.
All that said, I know it will be ok. And I feel like a major idiot for crying about this while there are people out there who have lost their entire homes to tornadoes, floods, and the like. There are people who are losing their homes because the banks are screwing them. There are people losing their lives, their loved ones, and so so so very much more than I can imagine losing. I know that. I know it's just a condo. I know that we are lucky to be able to afford to move again; even though it wasn't quite in the budget, it's not going to break the bank. And I know that we will find something. I know that being sad, thinking that we might have to downgrade or give up some of the things we've been spoiled by over the last 10 months is well...sort of lame. But you know what? I'm still sad.
In typical Type A, Control Freak Kim fashion, I started looking for places as soon as I processed the contents of our landlords' email. I was in a little bit of a state of shock, and instantly, my fingers drifted to Craigslist (I wasn't thinking clearly, or obviously I would have gone directly to PadMapper). This morning, I opened up a PadMapper account so that Will and I can easily track our apartment interests, and I set up a bunch of email alerts for different geographic regions, based on where we looked a year ago. I will probably cry about this several more times over the next 7 weeks, but gosh darn it if I won't start taking action. It's what I do.
For now, I suppose the hunt is on. I'm glad that I didn't start my "frame and hang a bunch of pictures on the walls" project...or sell the washer/dryer (thanks for taking care of it, Jenny and Jeff). And hey, maybe we'll find a nice place with everything this place has and more! Who knows? Miracles can happen!
I'll do my best to keep the blog updated so you can all play along. And if you're looking for a little humor, here are some posts I wrote for Berkeleyside during last year's apartment hunt.
- Home Hunting in Berkeley: Lessons Learned
- Home Hunting in Berkeley: Lamenting the Listings
- Funny Business: Listing Scams and Malapropisms
- Message to Renters and Landlords: You Have Rights
Enjoy! And if you are the praying/well-wishing/sending-positive-vibes-out-into-the-universe type, please wish us luck (or whatever).