Wednesday, August 24, 2016


I'm feeling very change-adverse right now. I oscillate between being glad the baby is coming soon and sad that I won't be pregnant anymore once she arrives. Last night I dreamt I got a haircut, fell asleep in the chair and woke up having had over a foot chopped off without warning. I think I'm feeling a little out of control? A little hesitant? A little nervous?

Before I fell asleep last night I was talking to my husband about this feeling - my due date is less than a week away, but I've always felt like she's going to be a little late, maybe a few days. Well, now we are nearing the point where *those* dates are only a week away. Ready or not, in probably no more than two weeks we are going to have a baby. 

Of course I'm excited. I've wanted this my whole life, as long as I can remember. But there's still something twingy in my heart when I think about not having this little squirmer living inside me. Not feeling her kick and roll around and stab me very painfully from within. And then there's the big change to our family - it has been just the two of us for over 11 years. There's a part of me that's scared or maybe apprehensive or maybe just a little sad that it won't be just us anymore. 

Again, this is a wanted, dreamed about baby and I can't believe we are lucky enough to have had such an easy time of it so far (knock wood, let's have an easy time of exiting my body, ok baby?). But the reality of these impending changes has been hitting me hard in the last week or so. It's an emotional time, and boy am I glad to have the time to be home and processing it all, trying to make the most of my final days as a pregnant person. 

There's a lot of work to do around the house, and thank you notes to be written, and miscellaneous "oh I'll do that while I'm on leave" things to wrap up, but I'm also trying to take time to rest. To watch TV (because my brain can't focus on a book) and feel the baby moving around inside me, just the two of us alone. Bonding with my little buddy inside my belly before she's even born. What a trip. 

Anyway, we've got about a week or so to go, give or take. The to-do lists are going to get done, or they won't. I'll have the energy to cook what's in my head, or I won't. I'll blog more, or I won't. It doesn't matter because pretty soon, one way or another, this baby will come out of me and change our lives forever. 

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